Moving to a new country? GROUNDBREAKING.

Moving to another country used to seem like a daunting prospect to me – as I’m sure it does to many of you! Whether you’ve never moved out of your hometown or you’ve been living in the same home for years, uprooting ourselves can challenge our every sense and emotion.

After spending 3 months here in Sydney, I still cannot wrap my head around the fact that I am no more in Bangalore. My life literally changed in 2 month since 2022 hit. I have a lot to write on this since this is one of the biggest change in 30 years of my live and I am still at the adjusting phase. I am still trying to ‘fit in’.

I vividly remember 24th December- I had just finished a meeting at work and Rohan called me to say that he has to travel to Sydney on 17th Jan-22. I was laughing out of shock because it was so sudden. We did have our Visas with us since September, last year but had no clarity about the date of travel. We had a trip planned for New Years and then the moving away shopping and packing started. We packed everything, all set for Rohan’s travel and unfortunately, got Covid a week before he had to fly. So, we obviously had to postpone it. He finally flew on 1st Feb-22 and Kuttush and I were back in Bangalore, all alone in the house and I cannot begin to tell you, how terrible those 2 months were. Now, my brain fixates on these emotions a little late. Mostly when they happen. So, the day Rohan flew, I went to the airport and I lost my shit when he had to enter the Departure gate and since that moment, I knew I was alone in the house trying to fucking live alone, again, after 6 years.

For a lot of people, moving to a new country is not a big deal. It’s a change that I am supposed to welcome and appreciate. I have been told by a lot of people that I can easily adjust and do well in a new place. But, believe you me, that did not happen with me here. I have had insane amounts of frustrated and broken days which I do not speak about publicly. I am usually perceived as a very outspoken person which is absolutely true. I do voice out my opinions and and do not really tolerate shit. But when I started working here, I honestly could not be myself. I was keeping things to myself even though I knew it bothered me. Trust me, I am a no bullshit person so when I actually had to keep things to myself and not speak about the things I did not like or was a cultural shock to me, I was not being the person I am. It bothered me.

Moving to a new city is a huge task. New country is another ball game altogether. I came to Sydney in my 30s. Adjusting in a foreign culture is way more challenging for me than it is for Rohan. Brownie points since he has lived in the UK previously. The work culture is so bloody different than India. To be honest, advertising was way more fun back home. Agency life was indeed ‘Agency Life’. I have of course cribbed about working for 14-15 hours EVERYDAY but damn, I miss that now. I know I am weird that way. And, I know I will adapt to the work -life balance here. (Although, I do not need that amount of balance, tbh). Thanks to my father for worshipping his work and for imbibing the workaholic in me too.

-Also, I know I need to adjust. Let me rant (read:write) in peace.

Back to those 2 LONG months in India alone. I thank my stars that I had Kuttush with me. I would have gone crazy without him. Long distance ain’t a joke, my friend. That too after 6 years of being glued together. And, history has it that I don’t do relationships well, let alone long distance. (My best friends can vouch for this.)

I was counting days to when I could move to Sydney with or without a job. The day I decided to move, I had three major tasks- finish up with Leo Burnett (wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be), move Kuttush with my in laws and empty the 3 BHK that Rohan and I called home. That apartment was extremely important to us. It was Kuttush’s first home. He came into our lives a month after we moved in. C1-062 is special. Leaving it was so fucking difficult that I cannot put it into words. Selling every single furniture that we picked out was hard. We took time out of our lives to pick every single thing in C1-062. Every picture on the wall had a story. And then the friends in Bangalore. Some of the most amazing friends, who we had to leave behind because we decided that we need to ‘up-skill’ our lives.

Cut to Sydney – I finally wrapped everything up and landed at 8:30 PM on the 4th of June. I had the worst flight of my life that day. Not one thing was appropriate. I was crying the whole flight- thinking about Kuttush, Bangalore, C1-062. Scrolling through the pictures on my phone and I was horribly emotional. But I knew things would be better. Things would fall into place when I land. I will have Rohan. I believed in myself that I could turn my unemployment to something positive. I was looking forward to my job here. Going through a thousand rejection wasn’t easy. I was losing faith in myself. Tried looking for other career options too. Even though, I did not want to give up the 7 years of advertising that I had built brick by brick. And then when I did land a job that I thought would be the best for me at that moment, it did not work out. I was heartbroken. I shut my laptop, cried my eyes out and slept off. Did not wake up that day.

All of these, in just 3 months. Took a week to figure things out, spoke to a few people and started applying for jobs. My Instagram on the other hand, only had happy stories and posts. Why? Because that is normal. No one will put up sob stories on their socials.

Chandrayee and I were talking the other day that we do not have a middle ground or a consistency in our lives. It’s either very happy or very sad. We lack balance in our lives. Although, our other bestie, Shabbu has a balanced life. I crave for that middle ground, that consistency. I am 30 for fucks sake! I can’t handle such extreme situations.

I have learnt quite a bit in the many moves I’ve already done. First moved when I was 18. I ain’t a sheltered kid. I am an extrovert and quite outgoing. But Sydney is different. It’s unlike my other moves. Accordingly, I didn’t like the food here very much (except for MCDs Quarter Pounder) and I didn’t really connect with my colleagues, and I didn’t love the city itself (the rain added to it). It was all just too overwhelming for my senses. My first move abroad isn’t the romantic ideal of galavanting that Instagram might now have you believe! Instead, it is a constant barrage of new feelings associated with normal activities. The longer I am here, the more I realized that, I might take ample amount of time to ‘fit in’.

This new country challenged my perceptions and it forced me to consider my daily life back home with my daily life in AU. Those small comparisons created an overall feeling of unfamiliarity, a lack of belonging and feeling like an outsider looking in. Everything is so extraordinarily different, and therefore, every small change is making me hyper-aware of my surroundings. These simple, tiny lifestyle differences made me pause and wonder at my life back home versus my life here. Was the one necessarily better than the other? Had I never noticed these small moments back home? Did I actually long for this life? Was I secretly wanting to have a better standard of living? Will I become a hypocrite if I choose to not go back? Should I get comfortable here? Should I mould myself in the ‘ AU’ ways? Can I mould myself in the ‘AU’ ways? That awareness drew my attention to moments and scenes from my new life and slightly made me smile.

I guess it’s safe to say that we moved to a new country.  We moved our lives after spending 6 married years in India. Crave for Indian food every single day. We don’t have Kuttush with us yet. That is another guilt that has been eating us up. And I have some classic assholes in my life who has nothing else to ask about moving or settling down or how we are doing but about Kuttush. To them (you know who you are), fuck you and fuck your fake care on social media. Had you actually cared about me or Rohan or Kuttush, you could have called me to ask, rather than trying to guilt us on social media. We know what Kuttush means to us and we know we will bring him to us. Settling outside home ain’t easy. It ain’t easy to start from scratch in your 30s when you had a pretty decent life back home.  But we are doing it. We are working our asses off to make our lives here, get Kuttush to us.

So to all my friend, foes, frenemy, lovers, haters- if you think life is all great and happy here, you cannot be more wrong. Life is difficult and we try to make it decent by working hard. Dollars won’t suffice the feelings that we miss, the people that we miss. (It will only buy me skincare and clothes). I like those, not gonna lie. But I like Bangalore too. I miss Bangalore. I miss C1-062. I miss those random drinking sessions at our home with some of our closest friends.

Moving to a new country shakes your foundation. That’s the thing with moving to a new country: You are forced out of your little protective shell and left exposed before the world. For me, it’s overwhelming. For me, I explode with joy and also get scared at each new experience. I have the chance to learn new things and decide who I want to be here in this new place. I am in another country, surrounded by a language that I am confident in but a culture that isn’t mine. I am uncomfortable at least once, every single day. The perfectionist in me was struggling to keep up with the conversations. The not knowing was a full-handed slap across my face. The little things that minimally alter your daily life create a lasting effect. For example – It’s in not knowing where items are in a grocery store. You have to wander aisle after aisle after aisle. And then you wonder if the thing you’re looking for is not actually there or if you just missed it. You might get on the wrong train or the bus. Might even get down on the wrong station or stop. I have asked the driver multiple times when I couldn’t figure out the stop. Missed his answer too because of the accent but I did reach work and home on time. That probably is adjusting. And you will have Google Maps to guide you if nothing else works. I have Rohan. My personal Google Map because I am an idiot when it comes to directions. You will feel out of place at work. I know I did. I still do. I struggle to make conversations with my colleagues. I know I will get better at that too.

Once the newness fades away, you enter the mundane bits of life. You rebuild that comfort bubble with new habits and routines, and the challenges of yesterday become memories. You make that apartment, your home. You build that favourite corner of yours with furnitures, lights and colors that you love. You start coming back to familiarity.

Love,

N